Almost One Year in Jail

Well, I tell you what. That god damned government sure has ramped up them rules on drunk drivin'. Got myself one year in jail for being a habitual drunk driver. Guess it was my ninth drunk drivin'. I told them fuckers it ain't like I hit anybody else. I always told that god damned judge at sentencing that the everybody else drives drunk around Wauzeka so there ain't no reason that I should go to jail. There's more god damn drunk drivers on the road than sober drivers!

But, fuck it. Jail was fucking awesome. Barney Dunse had been in jail for a while. I guess he owed some child support payments or some bullshit like that. But apparently he wants to get into business with me on my farm. Guess he wants to make grow some plant they make rope on. Tells me there is fuckin' tons of money involved and my farm is a perfect location. He'll be getting out here in a month or two.

Now that I'm out of jail I'm back to my farm and gettin' drunk and stuff. They made me take these fuckin' counseling classes in jail for what they called a fuckin' alcohol addiction. I told them they were fucked and probably drink themselves when they go home at night. No way am I going to stop drinkin'. As for the drunk drivin' well, I ain't supposed to be drivin' no pickups or cars none. So I figure since I'm a farmer if I get a tractor runnin' I can just drive that thing everywhere I need to go. If a fuckin' cops stops me I'll tell him I'm out workin'! Thank god I bought that field next to the tavern a few years back.

My livin' conditions ain't much better. The house on the farm has been unlivable for thirty years and only has the bones of the house standin'. Pulled an old double wide up about ten years back and when I was in jail the place went to hell. My bitch was supposed to look after the place but it looks like she ran off with some dick from Muscoda when I was in jail. Rumors had it she was pregnant. Sure as hell hope ain't mine.

Well, until Barney gets out of jail I gotta find myself some livin' quarters. I've pretty much exhausted my options for women to shack up with in Wauzeka. Ain't really no jobs around there that'll hire me. I might go check out that Baraboo area. Might be gettin' a little too big there but I tell you what, maybe I can get myself a job as a farmhand and find some trailer to live in until I get back on my feet and can haul another trailer onto my farm.