Treasure Hunt

Seein' how I was blacked out when I done buried 'bout $125,000 straight cash I got for sellin' my farm a couple years back I figured it was high time I try to find some of that money.

It's hard for a fella to try to make a buck out there earnin' a livin' doin' odd jobs. Ain't nobody really hirin' for farm work. I ain't got my own farm no more. It's got to the fuckin' point with all those god damned taxes on smokes that I'm takin' to ash tray minin' at the tavern just to get a little nicotine in me. What the fuck has the world come to when damn near half the day is spent workin' just to support my tobacco habit? It don't matter what that fuckin' government says none, I ain't a gonna quit smokin' and chewin'.

Anyway, back to tryin' to find that there money that I buried. Me and a few other fellas that are a little hard up for cash decided we was gonna go try and find some of that cash. I told them I'd give each a carton of smokes, a log of chew, and a case of Blatz if they helped.

We loaded up the pickup in Wauzeka and headed on down to the Denzer and Leland area as that is where I was livin' right after I sold my farm. Clem done brought a jug of homemade whiskey for the ride down. Luckily I got to knockin' boots with a whore down at the tavern the night before and I told her I'd be willin' to take care of them kids of hers soon as I find myself one of them jobs. So long as she went and picked me up a carton of smokes and a log of chew. Didn't mean to keep any of those promises none. Sometimes I get to knockin' boots with some whores and they'll end up buyin' me smokes and chew.

We're gettin' pretty good and drunk on the way down and figured we'd stop in at the old Denzer Country Bar and make a game plan. Well we pulled up to that tavern and it sure as shit wasn't the same old tavern that I knew back when I was livin' in the area. Walked in and the fuckin' place had themselves some new ownership that went and made the place all fancy like it was some kind of fag bar in that Madison. And to make things worse, you couldn't just run up a tab all night with the bartender not keepin' track of what I was drinkin'. Fuckers actually started to write down what I was drinkin'.

I done had enough of that. Headed on over to Leland and all of a sudden it done hit me. Walked in and seen somebody I ain't seen in a long time. Gertie Gruber. That's the woman I was knockin' boots with at the time I buried my money, and sure as shit if it didn't all come back that I buried the money underneath her trailer in the Bluffview Trailer Park.

Luckily that bitch didn't see me and I told Clem we need to get back out to the pickup and make a plan. We talked things over while havin' ourselves a tobacco trio of a smoke, a dip, and a line of sniffin' snuff. Done sent Clem back into the tavern with orders to get to knockin' boots with that Gertie while I headed on up to Bluffview Trailer Park lookin' for that money.

Clem went on back into the tavern and I started up the pickup and headed up to Bluffview. Got up there and tried to remember where I buried that money. Figured I was blacked out at the time I buried it, so my best bet at findin' the money would be to black out again and start diggin'. Got back in the pickup and drove around finishin' up that jug of whiskey.

By then things done got a little cloudy. Next thing I remember I woke up in the bed of my pickup truck clutchin' a couple of feed sacks full of money. I'd fuckin' done it! Got all my money back. That excitement was short lived. I reached into the smoke pocket of my shirt only to find that there wasn't a pack there. Reached into my back pocket for my tin of chew and found that that wasn't there. I was shakin' by now and knew that I'd finished up that jug of whiskey. But the worst was yet to come. I looked up and instead of seein' a field or some woods and trees or something, I saw some tall buildings and that surroundin' me. Then it hit me. My fuckin' truck somehow commandeered itself across that Wisconsin River and I ended up in hell itself. I was in Madison.

TO BE CONTINUED

Still Alive

I tell you what, I ain't put nothin' on here in quite a while. When my cousin Brody went to prison for a while, one of those bitches he was done knockin' boots with stole that computin' machine of his.

Well, we done got it back and are sure as shit ready to start tellin' folks 'bout what's goin' on.

That money I got from sellin' my farm a few years back sure didn't last too long. $150,000 and I thought I was set for life. Life don't work out like that none. I went out and got that double wide trailer and set it on the farm I was workin' at. Third fuckin' night I was in the trailer I finished drinkin' myself a jug of homemade firewater that a fella named Donnie brewed up. That was a pretty fuckin' potent batch he made up there as I was blacked the fuck out. At some point, I done must've forgot to put a smoke in the ash tray or something because when I woke up there were all kinds of fuckin' sirens and them government folk comin' onto my property because the god damn trailer was on fire. Them fuckers are lucky I was so drunk and my guns were inside the trailer (besides the shotgun I keep in my pickup).

Anyway, them ass holes put that fire out. Me bein' the smarter kind of fella was lucky I didn't have all my money in the trailer at the time. Don't believe in those banks none so I had it buried in a bunch of different spots all 'round the country. The biggest fuckin' problem with that is the night that I buried it, I had drank two bottles of Old Thompson whiskey and was drunker than shit. For the life of me, I can't figure out where the hell I buried that god damn money.